This is hard task. Anyone who has a toddler knows that it can be the most frustrating part of child rearing. Sure the first few months of having a newborn are difficult but that is normally a cause of sleep depravation and too high expectations. Toddlerhood is a whole new ball game. A newborn may have difficulty eating, but it doesn't take the food you've spent all day preparing crumple it in their hand and throw it back at you, screaming NO!
I'm having a difficult time with both Mr. Zane and Miss Lily regarding behavior. As many of you know we have recently eliminated my daytime helper who used to come for a few hours a day to give mom a break. I loved the help, but I am now paying the price.
Being a paid employee, she believed it was her job to entertain the twosome non-stop. For the past 8 months, both of them got accustomed to constant directed activity. A brief "eegh" was met with being picked up and toys changed out. Mama doesn't play these games. While of course I interact with them all day long, I do expect some independent playtime so I can scrub a toilet or two.
This past week, both Z&L have retaliated, demanding that the show must go on. If I say, NO!, it is met with a smile and increased enthusiasm for the trespass. Walking into the next room causes an uproar, complete with red-faced tantrums screaming for encores. Our daytime helper used to sing songs during lunch time, providing an endless lunchtime melody. Mom's voice doesn't want to sing during lunch (I'm eating my own), yet the twins now require a performance to chow down.
It is not my wish or intention to neglect my little ones, I just do not want to be a director of their musings. I have always had a hard time with discipline because I do not want to create clones that unknowingly follow each command. I know there is a huge movement out there to limit choices but I do not agree and want my children to have free will. If I can't think of a genuine reason for them not to do something, then I think they should be able to do it. When they can pick out their clothes, I don't care if they look ridiculous in polka-dot pants and a striped shirt, it's what they chose and I'm for it.
So here comes the difficult part, setting boundaries in a mind that doesn't understand the difference between running with a stuffed animal versus a fork. Picking up a leaf versus picking up a sharp pointy stick. One day at a time, someday they'll get it. I don't want monsters, but I don't want robots either.
4 comments:
Ahh, discipline. One thing I learned from Savannah is that a lot of what you are experiencing is a phase. While that does not mean you should not tell them no, especially if something is dangerous, it does mean that it will pass. The name of the game at this age is redirection. Don't make their inappropriate behavior a game for them and it won't be fun anymore. Savannah also taught me that it is okay if they get frustrated sometimes. I tend to ignore any and all tantrum Annabeth throws at me and they pass quickly. Frustration fuels learning, so allow them to figure it out on their own sometimes. I tell Annabeth, "Mommy is busy right now, please go play with (fill in the blank with a favorite toy)." She may complain for a few minutes, but she does go and play on her own eventually. My adivce is to wait them out and let them figure it out. It will take time, but it will work.
I'm reading and trying not to laugh. Zane is on my leg blowing fart noises and drooling everywhere...someone really wants to play with mommy
I suspect that because you care so much and are wrestling with this that you will do awesome. I love that you said you didn't want kids that with outrageous behavior but at the same time didn't want robots - what a tough balance, but what a wonderful thing to strive for. I have no doubt you are and will continue to be an awesome mom. I was never brave enough. you showed that you are every bit a brilliant gal and every bit a wonderful mom (a rarity where I live in the yuppie projects). Love ya! --- aunt mary
When all else fails wear EarPlugs to help keep your sanity!!! J/K! It really is about picking your battles... Now if I only knew which battles I was supposed to pick...can you keep me updated on how to handle this ?! :)
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