Friday, November 9, 2007

Thank you data

Today was the worst day of my life that slowly transformed into an "ok" day. First I get a phone call from the nurse telling my that my beta hCG level was only 356. She told me that they wanted it to at least double. Which it hadn't. So I needed to prepare myself that I may miscarry or have an ectopic pregnancy. She also wanted me to come back on Monday to test again. I lost it. I can hold myself together pretty well, especially around work people, but I couldn't this time. I started sobbing and had to go hide in our cell culture room, to pull myself together so that no one would catch on that something was going on.
I yelled at Jason on the phone because he was being wonderful, and just being positive (it will be ok, don't worry about it)...sometimes it is hard for such a cynical person like myself, to be married to someone so upbeat and optimistic. I mean, I'm a scientist, we see the worst in everything and are constantly finding was to invalidate things. I've been trained to be skeptical. So when I heard those words "it will be ok, don't worry..." I lost my head. I didn't want comfort, I wanted someone to be just as upset/angry/crazy as I was. Poor thing, let's just blame the hormones :)
So, after a few moments of calm, I sat down, and like I said, I'm a scientist. I researched, gathered and plotted data. According to physiology, your beta-hCG levels should double every 48-72 hours. I calculated exactly how many hours it has been between my two tests (ONLY 40!). I then plotted my expected values, assuming they doubled at 48 hours, against my observed values 204 at 0 hours and 356 at 40 hours. This is what the graph looked like:

My value is right on the line!!!!! Exactly where it is supposed to be. This little piece of data got me through the day, and made me a little more optimistic to the outcome. I wish it was Monday already.

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